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The Power of Listening

Promoting Health and Wellbeing of Children and their Caregivers

“We learn to listen by being listened to”

Claudia M. Gold MD Portrait
Claudia M. Gold MD

Books by Claudia M. Gold MD

Reviews

“In this lively and riveting book, Claudia Gold and Ed Tronick show us how the successful repair of missteps and failures form the foundation of a graceful and coordinated dance between ourselves and those around us. Even if the roots of our troubles are deep in our early relationships, human connections can heal by engaging us in a new set of moment to moment mismatches throughout life and present us with opportunities for connection as long as we, and those around us, are open to repair and re-connect."
The Power of Discord Book Cover
Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD
Author of The Body Keeps the Score
“A very useful, thoughtful book. It lays out the best thinking of our time to help parents make decisions about nurturing their child’s development.”
Keeping Your Child in Mind Book Cover
T. Berry Brazelton, MD
Professor of Pediatrics, Emeritus Harvard Medical School
"A highly readable text, wise and empathic, that integrates theory, recent research, and vignettes to guide clinicians in... listening thoughtfully to help parents resolve tensions at a very meaningful point in their child's development."
The Development of Early Childhood Book Cover
Michael S. Jellinek, MD
Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry and of Pediatrics, Harvard Medical School
"Drawing on powerful research, as well as the timeless and insightful wisdom of Winnicott, Bowlby, and many more, Gold makes an undeniable case for the simple act of listening, an act that in many cases can be the most potent treatment available."
The Silenced Child Book Cover
Claire Nana
review at Psych Central

Listening to parent and baby together using the Newborn Behavioral Observations (NBO) system

Quotes from My Books

The Power of Discord Book Cover

From "The Power of Discord"

As I shifted from asking questions and giving advice and instead simply listened, I saw families move from anger and disconnection, sometimes through deep sadness, and then to moments of reconnection. A young child would spontaneously run into her mother’s arms to receive a hug. Often I felt a tingling in my arms, and my eyes filled with tears in the presence of rediscovered joy and love.

The Silenced Child Book Cover

From "The Silenced Child"

When we don’t listen, whether as a parent, friend, or professional, most often it is because we are overwhelmed... We want to help, but we feel helpless. We want to “do something.” But without listening, these jumps to action may inadvertently close off, or silence, a child’s communication. When we pause for a moment of human connection and communication, we discover a path to healing.

The Development of Early Childhood Book Cover

From "The Developmental Science of Early Childhood "

When a clinician makes time to listen to the story from an infant mental health frame, clinician and client have an opportunity to understand the behavior in its relational and developmental context. Behavior is a form of communication. When we understand that communication, we discover the meaning of the behavior. The path to healing becomes clear.

Keeping Your Child in Mind Book Cover

From "Keeping Your Child in Mind"

If we as a culture hold parents in mind, that is, instead of telling them “what to do,” listen to them and support their efforts to “be” with their child and understand her experience, we not only will help with “behavior problems,” but we may actually help to promote healthy brain development.

Blog

Child in Mind

Sleepless New Parents: Navigating Uncertainty and Loss

Sleep itself represents among the earliest forms of separation. While sleep disruption inevitably accompanies new parenthood, when families suffer to the point that they find their way to my office, usually they are grappling with a deep sense of loss. A search for certainty becomes an obstacle to exploring the source(s) of that pain. Time and a safe space for listening offers families opportunity to move through grief to reclaim joy.

Celebrating Pediatricians’ Embrace of Early Relational Health

The Frameworks Institute (that also developed the term "toxic stress") wrote in a recent report: "Early relational health, although a new term, does not designate a new field nor a series of new discoveries. In fact, early relational health builds upon decades of research from the fields of child development, infant mental health and neurodevelopment that has established the centrality of relationships between caregivers and very young children for future health, development and social-emotional wellbeing."

A Child’s Joy in Growing Up: A View from the Pandemic

Typically, the process of separation of child from parent takes place both gradually and relentlessly. The pandemic put a long pause on this natural progression. As we begin to resume "normal" life many will manage re-entry without significant difficulty and get back on track. But for those with a variety of vulnerabilities, the expanse of time to live in the ambivalence may lead to developmental derailment. Whether 2, 12, or 20 these children and their families will need an extra dose of listening and support to find their way forward.