Getting to Know You

Lessons in Early Relational Health from Infants and Caregivers

Pre-Order Now

Coming March 28th

About the Book

Publisher: Teachers College Press

Utilizing narrative storytelling, this user-friendly guide describes the principles of early relational health with direct application to day-to-day work with infants and parents. Practitioners on the front lines often feel great pressure to know “what to do” in a wide range of challenging situations. Drawing on both developmental science and extensive clinical experience, Dr. Gold provides evidence that the exact opposite—a stance of not-knowing—helps us find our way into another person’s experience, offering the greatest opportunity for connection, growth, and healing. Gold presents a model of “listening in” with an intentional suspension of expectations and a willingness to be surprised. The paradigm of listening in functions as a kind of superpower to enhance teacher–student, professional–parent, and parent–infant relationships. This resource will be important reading for a broad variety of practitioners working with infants, including early childhood educators, home visitors, pediatricians, doulas, and mental health clinicians, as well as policymakers, parents, and other caregivers.

Praise for the Book

"It is the rare author who can weave the complexities of the brain, human development, parenting, family, culture, and history into a coherent and beautiful tapestry. Anyone working with children will find this enjoyable and engaging. This book provides compelling evidence to value and ‘center’ early childhood as crucial to the health and welfare of the child, family, community, and culture."

Bruce D. Perry, M.D.

Principal, Neurosequential Network

"Each reader will take away something unique to their professional and personal journeys. But I imagine that most readers will catch a sense of wonder and encouragement about this beautifully human thing we call 'relationship.'"

From the Foreword by Junlei Li

Saul Zaentz senior lecturer, Harvard Graduate School of Education

"Regardless of your role in the many relationships you have with children, we hope the stories in this book will resonate with you as they have for us so that you, too, will experience this paradox: Alongside the not-knowing stance is a deep kind of knowing that can only be achieved together."

Lisa Matter

IMH-E Infant Family Specialist

Hoda Shawky
Pediatric Clinical and Maternal Child Health Equity Consultant, Noorture, LLC

"This book provides a practical and engaging translation of complex biopsychosocial theories into clear, accessible language that everyday parents and multidisciplinary early childhood professionals can readily understand. Thoughtful, reflective questions throughout the book help practitioners critically reflect on the role of race, racism, and the legacies of historical trauma in early relational health. This process of centering is one of the few relationship-based techniques that intentionally shifts the frame from the familiar parent-blaming to a stance of ‘not knowing.’ I highly recommend the ‘listening in model’ as a gold standard to create authentic working relationships and understand the multicultural experiences of families and young children."

Marva L. Lewis, PhD, IMH-E®

Clinical Faculty, Institute of Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health, Department of Psychiatry and Neurology, Tulane University School of Medicine.

Claudia M. Gold MD